Sometimes we have to draw love out of people by loving them. Not because they don’t already love us – something may be in the way, distracting, depressing, oppressing- but because they’re listening to these oppressive thoughts more than they’re listening to truth. And, sometimes, we’re the ones who are called to remind them.

Often, when we don’t feel loved by someone, we refuse to give our love. And so, we enter into a lonely cycle of rejection.

They don’t show love ➡️ We don’t show love. ➡️ They don’t show love. ➡️We don’t show love.

All of a sudden, sometimes after a long time or maybe out of seemingly nowhere, there’s this loveless void between us and that person.

I recently experienced this with dad. He’d been working like a trooper, providing for us, wearing himself out. He was out early and back late. So, the only time I saw him was when he was tired, grumpy and miserable. I’d try to be kind and loving and offer nice gestures, but I was repeatedly rejected due to his weary state. It got so bad that dad began to speak out of his frustration and physical pain and say things like, “I don’t want to be around you right now.”

Naturally, for someone who’s simply seeking to give and recieve love and affirmation, this can hit pretty hard. I began to feel the pangs of rejection and bitterness. I began to withdraw. I wanted to return like for like: if he didn’t want to be around me, I didn’t want to be around him. I didn’t want to be kind and obedient; I wanted to avoid him.

But, in my childish rebellion, God spoke and enabled me to see that dad wasn’t speaking out of who he really was, he was just consumed by tiredness, anger, frustration, feeling not enough and, actually, loneliness. God began to show me that my job, especially living at home, was to strengthen and uplift. To be what my name declares I am, “My Father’s Joy”.

Thankfully, mum realised this at about the same time, and so, we began to shake off our feelings of rejection and act out of our Heavenly Father’s love. We decided to be kind, soft spoken, present and loving, even if dad wasn’t ‘in the mood’ or receptive.

One of the most powerful decisions mum made was to simply be with him. If he was working so hard that he couldn’t make it home for dinner, we’d bring it to him. I can’t express the drastic change this induced. Just by being present, dad felt valued. Sure, we spoke out our encouragement of his beautiful labour; but, mostly, it was just the presentness. The standing on the beach together at 11 at night after he’d finished working, just being. Shaking off resentment, and living out of a knowing that, just as our Heavenly Father loves us despite our response, so can we love others.

In this, I was learning to be more aware of other people’s needs than my own. The realisation that, sometimes life can beat us down, yet we have to choose to believe what God says above our selfish feelings. And, sometimes, when other people are too weary to do it for themselves, we have to do it for them; to remind them that they are loved regardless of their response.

This is why it’s so important to know who Jesus is and to understand His love. When we grasp that it’s so totally unconditional and reckless (without thought to self), we begin to realise that it is so undependent on our response. He loves us whether or not we love Him back. And yes, loving Him is our first and greatest command and purpose, but, whether we do or we don’t, He won’t change.

This is the kind of love we were called to. Love that is so rooted in the Father that we’re living out of His love for us and are not dependent on the love of the people around us to be able to love. We can, because we know how great our Father’s love is, love when there’s no return. Love when there’s even rejection. Because we don’t depend on other people’s love to sustain or define us. People, even the ones we love most, will let us down. There’s only One who never will.

When we love like this, we actually enable and free up people to love back. Instead of producing rejection and loneliness, our actions start to induce acceptance, kindness, sincerity and joy.

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There’s hope.

So much hope. Even for the darkest of relationships.

We just have to believe who God is, what He says and act on it.

To believe what He says over what our circumstances, feelings or any other voice may say.

It may take time, but, regardless of the outcome, keep loving. Don’t do what I’ve done so many times and guard your heart from pain to the point that you refuse to love for fear of rejection. Love anyway. And, if necessary, let it hurt.

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He’s so ceaselessly good. Believe it.

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Dare to hope.
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And out of your hope, love.