I remember sitting on the top of the stairs after having an argument with mum about birth control. I hadn’t known that I had a strong opinion about it. But when faced with the challenge, all of a sudden I found myself justifying it from every angle. Phrases like “You can’t put God in a box” “He’s given us freewill” “He wants us to use common sense” and “He’s not a pin-prick God” rushed through my head and out of my naive lips. I tried as best as I could to snuffle the deep unrest in my spirit, but the thought continued to nag at me for weeks.

I’m so glad that the Holy Spirit is unrelenting in His pursuit of us!! If there’s something that He wants to see, He won’t give up until He’s shown us it.

But He also knows that it’s good for us to learn the hard way. There’s a deep maturing and confidence that can only come from fighting for the opposite side of a cause when we’re finally brought to our knees. We truly see the light best when we’ve had a glimpse of what it’s like to not have it.

This is where I was. Fighting and suppressing every thought in my head that told me to dig deeper. I didn’t want to. I’d made my mind up and didn’t have the courage to desire to be proved wrong.

But, as always, God won. He captivated me and caused me to spends hours upon hours reading through the Bible whilst taking notes on every single pregnancy and birth.

I was stunned. I don’t know why. I’d read the Bible cover to cover several times before and knew all of the passages I was reading very well. But it was as though scales dropped from my eyes, and He was answering another prayer I’d been praying. He was giving me His heart. He was breaking my heart for what broke His. It was a prayer that I had started praying everyday, and this was one of His victories in me.

He was breaking my heart for broken families.

Not long after, I wrote my English dissertation on the breakdown of the family unit in which I addressed topics from abortion, finances, marriage, homosexuality and education to authority and headship. Although I was essentially doing a homework assignment, what I was really scribing was the process that God was taking me through. I cried so many times whilst writing that paper. Looking back, I can literally see that God was having me outline each area that He was preparing me for.

He was showing me what it looked like to be beautifully broken. Not the kind of heart break I had experienced before that leaves you bitter and self absorbed, but the kind of heart break that opens your eyes to the REAL world around you and leaves you wanting to DO something about it.

God’s is so good. Despite what we see, His is the victory. In the end, He always wins. There is not a battle He’s fought that He’s ever lost. We are on the winning side.

I think it’s time we started trusting Him.

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He’s so worth it. He’s so worthy.

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Also, I’d like to add. There is no judgement for those who are using birth control. It’s not a Salvation issue. It’s a heart issue. Children are of God, so He can give you children whenever He likes. There’s not a single child that God has willed into being that is being hindered by you. He is Sovereign. He will have His way.

I’d also like to add the obvious statement that I’m not a mother. But, just as God gave Paul a heart for marriage, so He’s given me a heart for family. I’m simply agreeing with the Word and heart of God. If there’s anything that I have said that contradicts His heart and Word, please tell me. My only desire is to be His mouthpiece and bring Heaven to Earth by agreeing with THAT reality and not this fallen one.

His is the glory.

Grace and Peace