My sister Elizabeth is one of the most patient and gentle people you will ever meet. However, she wasn’t always that way. She used to have a reputation for being an incredibly destructive and violent little girl. She has an amazing testimony of how she let Jesus take her emotions and refine them, and it’s an honour to let her share a little bit of that story here.

If you have bigger emotions than you know what to do with most days, this is for you. And if you have anyone in your life that feels that way, this is for you too. I pray this empowers and equips you to be patient and gracious in all things as Jesus continues this incredible story this side of Heaven in allowing us to become more like Him through our daily refining.

Be blessed.

Hello! My name is Lizzie, and I had temper tantrums from the ages of 2 to 10. That sounds fairly normal, right? Don’t most children have some outbursts of temper? So what set me apart from other tantruming children? Well, I’d say it was my aggressive tendencies and the fact that I was pretty strong for a little girl. In the height of my temper years (between 3 and 7), I kicked, punched, bit, threw things, and broke two doors down. Yes, that’s right; I did bang a door off of its hinges at the age of 5.
I was a total menace. And I wasn’t like this to just my family; my friends’ mothers would also get the brunt of my hitting and kicking.

So why did I act this way? What possible reason was there for a seemingly innocent little girl to turn into a violent screaming terror? Surely it wasn’t actually just because she couldn’t play with her friends for another hour? The answer is quite simply Anger. I would get so mad over some injustice that had been done to me, or I would fester about a disagreement I had had. I would get so angry it felt like my chest was actually on fire. I would get so caught up in whatever it was that had gotten me mad, l I would fall into a full-out rage. At that point I wasn’t thinking anymore and had very little control over my actions. All I wanted was to get my anger out on anything or anyone whom attempted to calm me.

Now while this behaviour was obviously atrocious, I will point out that anger in and of itself isn’t bad. The Bible even speaks of a righteous anger and God Himself getting angry such as in Numbers 11:10. But the reason behind our anger is important; it’s one thing to get angry about others getting hurt and entirely another to lose it when you haven’t been treated right. As Christians we are to endure suffering patiently and even joyfully! Which of course is easier said than done. There is also a big difference between being angry about something and being so angry that you can no longer think rationally and end up being the one hurting even those closest to you.

So how is that I no longer have tantrums? My answer is the grace of God. When I was 10 years old I was fed up of losing it. I didn’t want to break things, and I really didn’t want to hurt anyone. I felt like I was a monster. So I asked God to take my temper away. I no longer cared about always getting my way; I just wanted the rages to stop. God did take the rages away, and after that day I never had a temper that got to the point of losing it. But that didn’t mean that my tempers stopped altogether; I had to really work at it for it to completely go. I came up with calming down techniques that really worked for me. One was that, when I would start feeling that burn in my chest and I knew that I was headed into a tantrum, I would completely remove myself from the situation and go for a walk. I wouldn’t spend this walk festering but rather praying. I would talk it out with God until I could see His side of it. Something that you might know about if you’ve  ever gotten that burning feeling of rage is that it doesn’t usually just go away. It’s an awful feeling that you just want to get out of you. While I’ve heard that punching bags are very helpful for this, for me it only made it worse. What I did instead was cry. Crying worked great because once you’ve started it’s very hard to stop until you’ve properly let your emotions out. I had a crying tree that I would walk to if I was feeling angry, sad, or overwhelmed. The tree was perfect because it was secret and out of sight; I don’t like people seeing me cry.

Eventually I got better at controlling my emotions. I didn’t even have to go for a walk every time I got mad; I would just take a deep breath and let it go. I think how you breathe is key; deep sharp breaths can just make you more mad, but deep slow breaths calm you down and help you to think more clearly.

This is only my personal experience and what worked for me. I haven’t had another temper for eight years now. I’m very grateful to God and to my family for always sticking it through and not giving up on me despite how I treated them.

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“My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak, and slow to become angry because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.” James 1:19-20

“Flee also youthful lusts; but pursue righteousness, faith, love, peace with those who call on the Lord out of a pure heart.”
II Timothy 2:22

“Then Moses heard the people weeping throughout their families, everyone at the door of his tent; and the anger of the Lord was greatly aroused; Moses also was displeased.”
Numbers 11:10 NKJV

“He who is slow to wrath has great understanding, But he who is impulsive exalts folly.”
Proverbs 14:29

“Do not hasten in your spirit to be angry, For anger rests in the bosom of fools.”
Ecclesiastes 7:9 NKJV

“Be angry, and do not sin”: do not let the sun go down on your wrath, nor give place to the devil. Let him who stole steal no longer, but rather let him labor, working with his hands what is good, that he may have something to give him who has need. Let no corrupt word proceed out of your mouth, but what is good for necessary edification, that it may impart grace to the hearers. And do not grieve the Holy Spirit of God, by whom you were sealed for the day of redemption. Let all bitterness, wrath, anger, clamor, and evil speaking be put away from you, with all malice. And be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God in Christ forgave you.”
Ephesians 4:26‭-‬32 NKJV