I aim to have my posts read like conversations, but this one is essentially an excerpt from my journal. The note-like format is a little difficult to read, but at the time it was the only reasonable way I could process my sleepless thoughts.

I hope it blesses you anyway!

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Our spiritual authority is rooted in our daily integrity.

When our lives are obedient, respectful, honouring and loving, our praise is pleasing to Him.

Repeatedly in God’s Word, we’re taught that obedience is better than sacrifice; that the position of our hearts is of more value than the splendidness of our worship.

In Isaiah 58, God’s people were coming to Him with lavish gestures of praise and worship, but He took no delight in it; ” Is this not the fast that I have chosen: To loose the bonds of wickedness, To undo the heavy burdens, To let the oppressed go free, And that you break every yoke…?” Isaiah 58:6

Their worship carried no authority because their lives lacked obedience, compassion and integrity. However, He goes on to say that if they turn their hearts and lives back to obeying Him that their light shall break forth like the morning; their healing shall spring forth speedily; the glory of the Lord will be their rear guard; that darkness shall be as the day; that He would guide and satisfy them; that they would be like a spring of water whose water would not fail. That’s where their authority was. In simple, pure hearted obedience. That’s power!

James declares that the effective, fervent prayer of a righteous man avails much (James 5:16). He’s saying that when our lives line up with the heart of God that our prayer, prophecy and worship is threatening and damaging to the enemy. That it’s in faithfulness and integrity that we stand in victory and authority.

Samuel’s reprimand to Saul reminds us that our worship has to be an overflow of obedience, or, as exampled in Cain’s story, our worship will even be rejected.

Let’s be people whose whole lives are ceaseless praise to the One who is worthy. Let’s be people who obey with simplicity; who listen to His voice. It’s not about making ourselves clean or acceptable by our good works; our righteousness is as filthy rags. It’s about His righteousness and glory. It’s about Him being so worthy. Not only of our sacrifice, praise and worship, but of our whole lives. Every moment being unravelled into holy, glorious praise to the King. Even the ones we mess up He can use for His praise and glory.

Let’s check that the posture of our hearts is praise and wonder. And I’m convinced that as we continually think on and experience His holiness every area of our lives will begin to declare His goodness. Let’s let His holiness determine how we communicate, how we think, how we work… I’m pretty sure it’s then that we’ll see Heaven.

1 Samuel 15 . Isaiah 58 . Genesis 4 . James 5 .

I have many days in my past that have marked me, that have defined me. Some good, some bad. Some easy, some hard. Some beautiful, some ugly. But all of them have drawn me ever closer my Father, have shaped me into who He’s building me up to be, and are being unfolded in my life and story to bring Him glory.

One of these days, was when I was about 19. I had locked myself in the bathroom, and I was pouring my heart out to God. I was aching over so many past hurts, and I was desperately wanting change. I wanted different and better for my life. I wanted to stop trying to make things happen in my own life and finally let Him have complete control. Already, at a fairly young age, I’d learned that nothing but God’s best was close to good enough.

Here’s the thing; it’s not that I wasn’t trying to please and follow God before that moment. I was. But I was also trying to please and follow both the people around me and my own heart. It took me rather a long time to realise that only God’s heart can be trusted: mine will betray me and other’s will let me down. Only God knows me like He does. Only God loves me like He does. Only He is strong enough. Only He is wise enough. Only He will do. I was tearing and pulling my own heart apart by trying to please everyone and everything: It’s simply not possible. Either we follow the world, or we follow God. His Word makes that so clear.

So this is where I was: realising that I’d been pursing other than God’s best. And I was fed up.

I sat crying out to God saying that I wanted Him to take control, that I wanted Him to have His way, that only He had my heart, that I was ready to follow Him wherever He led. It’s funny. I had prayed similar prayers before, but I had never meant them like I did in that moment. In that moment, of deep aching and pain, I was finally ready for change.

God started to pinpoint specific areas of my life that I had been refusing to let Him take control in. As I was praying that God would have His way and His best in my life, He started to ask me what that looked in a number of areas.

The first area I can remember Him pointing out was my heart. I agreed pretty quickly with Him about this. I had experienced my heart being broken. A number of times. I knew what it felt like to give it away and have it given back. I felt Him say, “Your heart was only designed to be given away once; it’s not designed to be given back.” This made perfect sense. And in that moment, I promised God that I would save my heart to be given away only once more. That the next time I gave my heart, I would Never take it back again. I knew in that moment that I would have to let Him guard and protect my heart, and that I would only give my heart to the man I married. I knew that the next time I gave away my heart it was non-refundable. Messing around and ‘testing ground’ was no longer an option. The weight of what commitment was began to settle over me, and, as I made that promise, I began to clearly see that this was God’s best. So it was for me.

The next thing I remember Him confronting me about was purity. I’d had many battles over this, and, while I generally fought for purity, I knew that I had had it all backwards. I had spent the past few years continually asking the question, “How far is too far?”, but God pointed out that there is no too high a standard for purity. That it should be fought for and pursued with everything that we are. So, He gently asked me to picture what I considered to be the highest standard of purity that I could imagine. I responded that it was a relationship in which there was so much honour and devotion that the couple kept their first kiss till their wedding day. However, my experience of the world quickly filled my mind, and I began to argue with God saying, “But I couldn’t do that! And even if I did, there’s not a guy on the planet who would agree!” As I became more and more angry with God, He waited patiently and then whispered so kindly back,

“Do you trust Me?”

“Yes!”

“Am I good?”

“YES!”

“Do you believe that where I guide you, I’ll provide for you?”

“Well, yeah.”

“Do you believe that this is My best for you?”

“Yeah.”

“This is for you.”

He’d got me. I was wrecked. And I instantly bowed my head and promised Him that I wouldn’t kiss another guy until my wedding day. And amazingly, as I did that, all the fear evaporated. I knew, deep down and confidently, that He would provide everything I needed.

I thought that was a pretty good breakthrough. But then God got heavy again. He started asking me about what I thought was His best for marriage. What was it’s purpose. Specifically in the area of children. I knew Him and His Word enough to know the answer, and I knew what He was getting at. The big one. Contraception.

He started to chip away at lies that I had been believing and releasing truth over me. When I said that I didn’t want to bring children into such a messed up world, He said that He doesn’t make mistakes and that He wanted to spend eternity with them. (That blew me away!) When I said that I didn’t want their hearts to break, He said that He was their protector. When I said that I didn’t think I could handle it, He said that He was enough. And when I finally said that there was no way that I would find a guy who would agree with that, He repeated, “Where I guide you, I’ll provide for you.”

He’d broken me. In the best, most beautiful and tender way. In a very real way, because of that conversation, because of the surrender, I was free. Finally.

God doesn’t do things in half measures. He actually wants us to have the fullness of our heart’s desire. So, if this was really what He had called me to, He’d not only equip me for it, but also supernaturally enable me to thrive and wildly enjoy every moment of it.

God’s plans for us really are so much more wild and wonderful than we could ever imagine.

I’m so grateful that He makes His wisdom appear as folly to the wise, but reveals it to the simple.

I’ll choose and forever choose to enjoy what He has for me, and I know that as I chase and pursue His heart’s desire that it will continually become my heart’s intense purpose and passion, as it increasingly has.

As I follow hard after Him, I won’t miss out on anything that He has for me. On this I’m determined.

And I’m ever learning that it’s here that our joy is full. In the total and continual surrender to His will.

He is so good.

1 Cor 10:13 declares essentially that everything that we go through in life is common to the human experience in one way or another. So, what I learn in and through each situation is something that someone (somewhere) can relate to and needs to hear. I hope that this in some way encourages you!
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Time management has never been one of my strongest traits, and I’ve often struggled to balance everything that I’ve been given to do well. But, one area that I’ve had to be increasingly intentional in addressing is beauty. Simply: mirror time. From about 12-17 I guess, I spent at least 2 hours on average in front of the mirror a day. That was on a normal day. On quiet days or special days, I gave myself much more time. As well as my mirror addiction (both vanity and deep insecurity) causing me to be very often frustratingly late, it generally zapped a lot of my time.
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I think I was about 18 or 19 (when SO much changed) that I started to realise how much time I was completely wasting. I started to

self evaluate and ask myself why I was so obsessed with looking and being perfect. Up until that point in time, I set a lot of my worth in what people thought and said of me. Whether that was my parent, best friend, boyfriend, or a complete stranger, what other people said (even passingly) dictated my every move. I can’t count the hours I spent crying in the mirror over how ugly I was. Again, I know that I’m totally not alone in this! It’s so easy for us to slip into self obsession and start to hate who we were made to be. But, it wasn’t until I faced this, and let only the One who made me tell me what He thought of me, that I actually started to thrive being me.
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That’s about when I started to set practical strategies for overcoming my obsession. From ditching make up to reduce mirror time (and face my insecurities) to straight-out banning myself from looking in a mirror (or car window) during the day, I slowly began to realise that it actually didn’t matter what I looked like!

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I remember one incredibly eye opening occasion after I had lost sleep over thinking I had a moustache. I had insisted on waxing my upper lip, and, as a result, ended up with a rash that made me look like I had a bright pink moustache. #FAIL When I went out the next day, I expected everyone to think of me what I thought of me. But, to my complete surprise, everyone treated me like a normal human being! That night at dinner I shared my new experience with my sister-in-law, Jo, (keep in mind that I was the girl who from 11 years of age would sob my eyes out if anyone saw me without makeup). Somehow, Jo knew exactly what I was feeling and put into words what I didn’t realise I felt: “No one’s treating me like the monster I feel I am!”

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That day marked me. I realised that I didn’t have to look a certain way to be accepted or appreciated. Sure, if I wanted constant flirtation and affirmation (which I craved as a teen), a little make up would go a long way. But, I slowly learned the shallowness and emptiness that that left me with. I think it’s true with most things in life that quick solutions generally carry no substance. The compliments I received from outfits and photos may have felt good at the time; but they did nothing to quell the aching and emptiness I was feeling. More than quick affirmation, what I really needed was security in my own identity.

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Quite honestly, a lot of this was dealt with when an open and honest relationship was re-established with my parents (which was anything but quick and easy) which gave me the support that I needed to face all that was weighing on me. But even more than that, I had to learn to value my identity in my Father first. I had to learn not to search for it in friends, guys, or celebs, but to simply be who I was made to be because of the One who made me to be it.

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I think I’ve mentioned it before in this blog, but this is part of what inspired my mantra:

“I love, not to be loved, but because I am loved.”

When I realised that I could be content in who I was, I was free to love the people around me well, without any need to try to earn their attention or affection.

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Going back to time management: the effect that this revelation has had on my time really has been dramatic. I’m still not the most time conscious person on the planet, but the freedom I’ve found in knowing my identity is really incredible.

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So, I want to encourage you love who God made you to be. Only then will you ever be free. You truly are fearfully and wonderfully made. Know what God says about you first and loudest so that no other voice (even your own) can drown out His. Be aggressive and practical in re-aligning your personal time. Replace unnecessary and unhealthy mirror time with Bible readings and prayer. Make it your priority to look at other people instead of yourself. Somehow, when we take or eyes off ourselves, we see so much more clearly.
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And one more thing that I feel is important to add: A lot of my attention seeking and affirmation craving as a teen stemmed from a strained relationship with my dad as a young teen. It’s SUCH a common thing, especially for us girls, when we don’t have a dad around or a close, healthy relationship with him, to search for attention elsewhere: specifically in guys. I’ve been there. It sucks. But know that you have a heavenly Father who is So present, So good and So kind, and who is so ready to hear all that you have to say and take all your hurt. Make it your priority to know Him. No one else can love you like He can. No one else can ever know you like He does. When we let His love define us, and begin to rest in His love, we start to love better than we ever thought we could. With no striving.

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This is the gameplan: Love God (first and best), love others (more than yourself), and love yourself (honour the you God’s given you: you really are rather wonderful).

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(I’m aware that this post is probably mostly aimed at me. I’m convicted.)

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“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
I John 4:7 NKJV

“Oh, that we might know the Lord ! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.”
Hosea 6:3 NLT

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
I Corinthians 6:19‭-‬20 NKJV

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.”
Colossians 3:1‭-‬4 NLT

Recently I had the privilege of housesitting for some friends for just over a week. Most of the time, I was with just one other person, so during the week I got a lot of alone time. I throughly enjoyed the stillness and quietness, and the opportunity to just rest from so many distractions. However, I began noticing that I was liking the sound of my own voice.

I enjoyed that there was no one to argue or disagree with. I liked that I could do what I wanted to when I wanted to, without having to go through a lengthy debate over the best way to do it. I liked that when I proposed an idea, it wasn’t opposed or challenged. I felt like a queen of a castle.

But I also noticed, that in my blissful bubble of zero confrontation, I was becoming increasingly self absorbed. In the comfort of my own wisdom, I wasn’t allowing for growth, challenge or better. I didn’t have the honour of having other people to challenge or improve my ideas.

And I was brought to this thought. That in the collective we’re at our best; we’re our most creative, most wise, most safe.

While we’re called to an intimate and personal relationship with Jesus, it’s actually in community, fellowship and family that we see Him most clearly. If we only ever had our view of Jesus, we’d miss out on the incredible things that He’s revealed to so many other people. I believe that every person we come into contact with can teach us a little more about the character of God. And I’ve learned that viewing relationships and conversations from this perspective is powerful! It equips us to love on them and value them in a whole new way!

Proverbs repeatedly states that to reject council and correction is foolish and stupid, and that allowing confrontation is actually wise. We can’t grow if there’s nothing to challenge us. To quote dad, “We don’t overcome blessings.”

So, upon pondering all this, I decided that when I got home I’d enjoy my family. I’d choose to revel in their loudness and assertiveness. That I’d champion their ideas and creativity. And I had the opportunity to exercise this immediately.

I’m sure anyone who has a big family, or who has been in our house, has noticed that the moment you walk through the door someone will be ‘debating’ some topic. Whether it’s where to put your shoes, whether you should drink from the tap, or whether walking straight to the fridge is really a good idea.

😂

The evening I got home, I was Wiped Out. I was used to having dinner and going to bed on my own schedule. So, having to wait until 9 o’clock to eat wasn’t my ideal. I fell half asleep at the table, and just laid there listening to my family’s colourful and opinionated dinnertime conversations. And I was again reminded, that it’s in the (even wonderful and outrageous) views and opinions of others that we learn and grow.

So, I want to encourage you to take a moment to choose to ENJOY the people around you. Their difficult-ness is making you a more gracious person. Their criticism of your ideas is making you more creative. Their analysing of your plans is making you safer and wiser.

And even take a moment to thank them for being so opinionated, thoughtful and caring. Value every thought they share with you as though their giving you the most valuable advice you’ll ever receive. Even if they’re just telling you that you’re doing the laundry wrong.

Relationships are so worth it.

Relationship is your purpose.

So enjoy it. And love well. Love better because of the gloriously imperfect people around you.

You weren’t made to be alone. You weren’t made to simply to comfortable; you were designed so that the people around you could daily shape you into the person you were made to be.

And everytime you hear an opinion you disagree with, see someone do something that annoys you, or get rebuked for doing something trivial, remember that you’re on your way to becoming a better person.

And maybe ask God to help you be someone who is a blessing to the people around you.

Even when you’d rather just not have anyone around you.

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Gen 2:18 “And the LORD God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.”

Proverbs 12:1 “Whoever loves instruction loves knowledge, but he who hates correction is stupid.”

Proverbs 16:2 “All the ways of a man are pure in his own eyes, but the LORD weighs the spirits.”

Proverbs 16:7 “When a man’s ways please the LORD, He makes even his enemies to be at peace with him.”

Proverbs 17:1 “Better is a dry morsel with quietness, than a house full of feasting with strife.”

Proverbs 18:1-2 “A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; he rages against all wise judgement. A fool has no delight in understanding, but in expressing his own heart.”

Proverbs 19:20 “Listen to council and receive instruction, that you might be wise in your latter days.”

Proverbs 21:23 “Whoever guards his mouth and tounge keeps his soul from troubles.”

Proverbs 29:11 “A fool vents all his feelings, but a wise man holds them back.”

Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 “Two are better than one, because they have a good reward for their labour. For if they fall, one will lift up his companion. But woe to him who is alone when he falls. For he has no one to help him up. Again, if two lie down together, they will keep warm; but how can one be warm alone? Though one may be overpowered by another, two can withstand him. And a threefold cord is not quickly broken.”

Romans 12:9, 16, 18 “Let love be without hypocrisy. Abhor what is evil. Cling to what is good. … Be of the same mind toward one another. Do not set yout mind on high things, but associate with the humble. Do not be wise in your own opinion. … If it is possible, as much as depends on you, live peaceably with all men.”

James 1:19-20 “So then, my beloved brethren, let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath; for the wrath of man does not produce the righteousness of God.”

Mark 11:25-26 “And whenever you stand praying, if you have anything against anyone, forgive him, that your Father in heaven may also forgive you your trespasses. But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your trespasses.”

Matthew 5:43-48 “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, love your enemies, bless those who curse you, do good to those who hate you, and pray for those who spitefully use you and persecute you, that you may be sons of your Father in heaven; for He makes His sun rise on the evil and on the good, and sends rain on the just and on the unjust. For if you love those who love you, what reward have you? Do not even the tax collectors do the same? And if you greet your brethren only, what do you do more than others? Do not even the tax collectors do so? Therefore you shall be perfect, just as your Father in heaven is perfect.”

I want to take a moment to share something that’s been so heavy on my heart. I can only share from what I’ve journeyed and observed, but I do feel that I’ve learned something that needs to be shouted from the rooftops.

•How to have righteous relationships, and what that looks like•

First off, let me say that in no way am I a perfect example of this:

“Not that I have already attained, or am already perfected; but I press on, that I may lay hold of that for which Christ Jesus has also laid hold of me. Brethren, I do not count myself to have apprehended; but one thing I do, forgetting those things which are behind and reaching forward to those things which are ahead, I press toward the goal for the prize of the upward call of God in Christ Jesus.”

-Philippians 3:12‭-‬14 NKJV

But, I want to share a bit of my story and of the invaluable lessons that I’ve learned in the hope that you’d be encouraged, inspired, and maybe even equipped to step into the ‘higher ‘ that God has for you.

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“Deep breath”

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From very young, I cultivated an obsessive mindset. My diaries were filled with ‘Prince charming’ fantasies, my room was plastered in posters of my latest crushes, and my thoughts were consumed with idealising over romantic relationships. I was fascinated with guys or my latest crush, and not with God. I developed a heart condition that did NOT equip me for guy/girl friendships.

I wasn’t ready to deal.

When we become facinatied by another person, we make that person our god, our idol. We were made to be facinatied by God, have eyes for Him alone, and from there to let Him give us His eyes for each other.

In my teens, my life quickly began to be characterised by immature and destructive relationships.

It’s from here that I want to share what I’ve learned through it all. Actually, a very little smidgen of what I’ve learned. I could talk for weeks and tell of God’s faithfulness. (Forever actually)

The first, and possibly most single life changing thing for me was

➡️Honesty.

Specifically with my parents. But also in every area (being honest with God and ourselves is a great start).

My teen years were clouded in a tangled mess of lies and secrets that only got deeper and more suffocating. No lie or excuse could dim the pain or restore my shattered relationships. It was possibly the single hardest moment of my life, but in the moment when I confessed everything I’d done over the previous years to my parents, chains finally fell off me. In a moment. I was free. The lies no longer had a grip on me. They could no longer taunt me into making the same mistakes over and over again.

Of course, I had to continually choose to step into God’s grace and forgiveness and claim His purposes over my life -which was far from easy- But, the battle had been won.

Actually it had been won long before. I just didn’t know it.

Back to the parents:

God has given us our parents to be our spiritual leaders. They are one of our most valuable relationships. They will be (and are) hard, but only because they are worth fighting for. So worth fighting for.

Your parents love you. They are on your side. They believe in you. They Want to trust you.

Firstly, your parents are there to lead you to Christ, to tell you of His faithfulness and entreat you not to make the same mistakes they did.

“For He established a testimony in Jacob, And appointed a law in Israel, Which He commanded our fathers, That they should make them known to their children; That the generation to come might know them, The children who would be born, That they may arise and declare them to their children,”
Psalms 78:5‭-‬6 NKJV

“Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right. “that it may be well with you and you may live long on the earth.” And you, fathers, do not provoke your children to wrath, but bring them up in the training and admonition of the Lord.”
Ephesians 6:1‭, ‬3‭-‬4 NKJV

Secondly, they are your heads, your leaders, positioned there by God, who are responsible for your growth and safety.

“Obey those who rule over you, and be submissive, for they watch out for your souls, as those who must give account. Let them do so with joy and not with grief, for that would be unprofitable for you.”
Hebrews 13:17 NKJV (Also 13:7)

“Let every soul be subject to the governing authorities. For there is no authority except from God, and the authorities that exist are appointed by God. Therefore whoever resists the authority resists the ordinance of God, and those who resist will bring judgment on themselves.
Romans 13:1‭-‬2 NKJV

However, despite how nice this all sounds, it can seem to be a universe away from our reality when we’re young.

This leads me to 3 of the Biggest Lies Young People Believe About Their Parents. These lies, like all lies, are destructive. Daily they damage trust, dissolve respect and create a dissulsion about what love really is.

*3 of the Biggest Lies Young People Believe About Their Parents*

1. (And the most whispered behind parental ears when we’re told by our peers not to share or confess something)

➡️They don’t understand.

What is this even declaring anyway? That they’ve never experienced loneliness, heartbreak or shame? That our troubles and trials are so much bigger and scarier than anything they’ve ever faced that they’d never even begin to sympathise? Don’t give yourself so much credit. There’s no one alive who hasn’t experienced their share of heartache and pain.

2. (The one I clung onto the hardest)

➡️Don’t tell them, you’ll only hurt them.

First up, yes, you probably will break their heart. But so did you when you first cried, shouted or lied. It’s part of the parental experince (and every relational experince). They signed up for heartbreak. We break God’s heart every time we sin, yet His love has never faltered or quivered. Your parent’s love for you is stronger than you know.

3. (And the most shouted in their heartbroken faces)

➡️It’s none of their business.

Actually. It is. You are their business. Their job is to protect you. Let them.

Do yourself a favour by setting practical strategies for accountability. Share with them before they ask you. Establish a deep honesty that enables them to trust you and not to have to put ‘limitations’ on you when you betray their trust by hiding the truth. Don’t keep passwords from them. Don’t hide conversations. If you feel guilty about showing them a conversation, you shouldn’t be having it.

I’ve learned to value honesty so much that there’s not a message, text or email that I give or receive that isn’t read by a sibling or parent.

We have to actively fight for honesty.

Which leads me to my second point.

➡️Respect.

“Be kindly affectionate to one another with brotherly love, in honor giving preference to one another;”
Romans 12:10 NKJV

“Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself.”
Philippians 2:3 NKJV

“A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another; as I have loved you, that you also love one another.”
John 13:34

As any married couple will undoubtedly (or hopefully) have learned, love and respect are intertwined. You can’t show or embody one without the other.

So, of we truly claim to love our friends and peers, we’ll respect them.

I used to proudly claim that I just wanted to love my friends well and be the best friend I could be. But actually, my actions were usually far from respectful, and therefore looked nothing like love.

One of the most practical ways to respect one another is to physically respect one another. To respect each other’s privacy, emotions, minds and bodies.

Not disrespecting each other by invading each other’s vulnerable spaces.

We’re called to live with integrity (Prov 12:22; Heb 13:18; 1 Cor 6:19-20), so let’s be people who respond with honour, grace and purity in every circumstance.

⚠️What respect doesn’t look like:

•Putting each other in vulnerable situations. (Being alone, keeping secrets)

•Treating each other like your hero. (Telling that person all your troubles)

•Trying to be the hero.

•Flirting, provocative touch, secretive conversation

When guys/girls come to you wanting you to be their hero, love them well by pointing them to someone who can help.

Don’t always try to be the hero.

You were made to be heroes. You are heroes. But, you’re only acting like a hero when you point each other to The Hero, and not to yourself.

We were actually made for male/female relationships. In eachother and together we see God more clearly. It’s one of our greatest honours, mysteries and wonders in life to see God through each other. We should ceaselessly protect pure relationships. We should value each other and celebrate our differences. We need to be encouraging one another. When you see someone leading well, loving well, serving well… tell them!

Honour each other!

And while you’re honouring:

➡️Protect.

Protect each other. Value each other. Love each other to the point that you care about that person so much that you’re not willing to put them in a vulnerable position or take advantage of them. Establish a culture of honour. Set healthy boundaries. Love well. And yes, there is a time for touch, for sharing your hearts with one other, but do so in a way that’s honouring.

Treat eachother like brothers and sisters whom you’re willing for fight and die for.

Something that I’m learning is not to see guys my age as potentials, but to see them as brothers. I used to think that treating someone like a brother was “friend zoning” them, and that, by establishing a healthy brother/sister relationship, I was destroying all chance of a romantic relationship with that person. But it’s just not true. We are the body of Christ. We are, and should treat eachother as, brothers and sisters in Christ. The best and most powerful intimate relationships stem from great friendships.

We’re the body. Let’s act like it. Let’s be people characterised by integrity, honesty and purity. A people defined by the Father. Confident, beautiful, leaders.

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In order to truly love, we have to live from a confidence that we are loved. We have to consume ourselves with His Word and the reality of His presence.

A saying that really changed things for me was the old adage (or maybe not that old?!):

“Gaurd your thoughts, for they become your words. Guard your words for they become your actions. Gaurd your actions for they become your habbits. Gaurd your habbits for they become your character. Guard your character for it shapes your destiny.”

As we devote our time to God and submerge ourselves in His goodness and presence, He comes and leads our thoughts and gives us His heart.

A prayer that I’ve prayed nearly every day for the past 5 years (inspired by the wonderful Jonathan Helser) is, “Don’t let me think a thought my Father wouldn’t think.”

I don’t want to meditate on or nurture any thought that my Father wouldn’t. I want His thoughts, His heart.

Living from here is how we have right relationships. When we firmly root ourselves in the knowledge of Christ’s righteousness; when we know who He is and what He says, actively pursue His presence and love Him first, every other relationship comes into perspective.

He has to be our obsession.

Our Hero.

No one else will do.

Let’s show the world what real, life-giving, honouring, respectful, loving relationships look like. With everyone we come into contact with. Let’s let our families, peers, colleagues, and acquaintances know just by our very presence that they are loved by an Everlasting Father who’s already given everything so that they could be with Him. Forever.

Now that’s a love story to dream about.

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I know this has been super, duper long. So, if you’ve made it though, well done. I pray that this in some way has been a good use of your time and has revealed a little bit more of our Father’s heart.

Let’s let every relationship be chracterised by this truth:

“I love, not to be loved, but because I already am loved.”

⬇️⬇️

And have a meditative, engaged listen of Steffany Gretzinger’s ‘Save Me’ on her album Blackout. It puts so much into perspective.

Sometimes we have to draw love out of people by loving them. Not because they don’t already love us – something may be in the way, distracting, depressing, oppressing- but because they’re listening to these oppressive thoughts more than they’re listening to truth. And, sometimes, we’re the ones who are called to remind them.

Often, when we don’t feel loved by someone, we refuse to give our love. And so, we enter into a lonely cycle of rejection.

They don’t show love ➡️ We don’t show love. ➡️ They don’t show love. ➡️We don’t show love.

All of a sudden, sometimes after a long time or maybe out of seemingly nowhere, there’s this loveless void between us and that person.

I recently experienced this with dad. He’d been working like a trooper, providing for us, wearing himself out. He was out early and back late. So, the only time I saw him was when he was tired, grumpy and miserable. I’d try to be kind and loving and offer nice gestures, but I was repeatedly rejected due to his weary state. It got so bad that dad began to speak out of his frustration and physical pain and say things like, “I don’t want to be around you right now.”

Naturally, for someone who’s simply seeking to give and recieve love and affirmation, this can hit pretty hard. I began to feel the pangs of rejection and bitterness. I began to withdraw. I wanted to return like for like: if he didn’t want to be around me, I didn’t want to be around him. I didn’t want to be kind and obedient; I wanted to avoid him.

But, in my childish rebellion, God spoke and enabled me to see that dad wasn’t speaking out of who he really was, he was just consumed by tiredness, anger, frustration, feeling not enough and, actually, loneliness. God began to show me that my job, especially living at home, was to strengthen and uplift. To be what my name declares I am, “My Father’s Joy”.

Thankfully, mum realised this at about the same time, and so, we began to shake off our feelings of rejection and act out of our Heavenly Father’s love. We decided to be kind, soft spoken, present and loving, even if dad wasn’t ‘in the mood’ or receptive.

One of the most powerful decisions mum made was to simply be with him. If he was working so hard that he couldn’t make it home for dinner, we’d bring it to him. I can’t express the drastic change this induced. Just by being present, dad felt valued. Sure, we spoke out our encouragement of his beautiful labour; but, mostly, it was just the presentness. The standing on the beach together at 11 at night after he’d finished working, just being. Shaking off resentment, and living out of a knowing that, just as our Heavenly Father loves us despite our response, so can we love others.

In this, I was learning to be more aware of other people’s needs than my own. The realisation that, sometimes life can beat us down, yet we have to choose to believe what God says above our selfish feelings. And, sometimes, when other people are too weary to do it for themselves, we have to do it for them; to remind them that they are loved regardless of their response.

This is why it’s so important to know who Jesus is and to understand His love. When we grasp that it’s so totally unconditional and reckless (without thought to self), we begin to realise that it is so undependent on our response. He loves us whether or not we love Him back. And yes, loving Him is our first and greatest command and purpose, but, whether we do or we don’t, He won’t change.

This is the kind of love we were called to. Love that is so rooted in the Father that we’re living out of His love for us and are not dependent on the love of the people around us to be able to love. We can, because we know how great our Father’s love is, love when there’s no return. Love when there’s even rejection. Because we don’t depend on other people’s love to sustain or define us. People, even the ones we love most, will let us down. There’s only One who never will.

When we love like this, we actually enable and free up people to love back. Instead of producing rejection and loneliness, our actions start to induce acceptance, kindness, sincerity and joy.

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There’s hope.

So much hope. Even for the darkest of relationships.

We just have to believe who God is, what He says and act on it.

To believe what He says over what our circumstances, feelings or any other voice may say.

It may take time, but, regardless of the outcome, keep loving. Don’t do what I’ve done so many times and guard your heart from pain to the point that you refuse to love for fear of rejection. Love anyway. And, if necessary, let it hurt.

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He’s so ceaselessly good. Believe it.

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Dare to hope.
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And out of your hope, love.

This culture, even in Christian circles, consistently teaches that the 14-19 (or ‘teenage’) years are years of rebellion, heart ache, strained, isolated relationships, struggle and failure. We’re taught that, in those years, we’ll probably develop bad habbits, a strained relationship with our parents, and a self absorbed approach to life. We’re taught that there’s a high chance we’ll do drugs, loose our virginity, and make many poor choices.

Why? Why do we accept this?

We’re told that if we manage to scrape through into our twenties without going through this that were lucky, or worse, that we’ll probably go through a ‘delayed rebellion’. As though rebellion and self destruction is an essential stage of life.

Why have we bowed and surrendered to failure?!

This isn’t what God wants for us. Failure is not His heart for us. He allows us to fall so that we’ll become gloriously more aware of our need of Him, but He doesn’t desire that we fail.

The teenage years can be the years where we devote our lives and time to God. Without the responsibilities and distractions of adult life, we’re free to pursue God in a unique and precious way. We can grow in our love for God, devote ourselves to our parents, and selflessly serve others.

We were made for more.

While God does allow us to fail so that we can come and cling to Him (as evidence of His wild and intense love) , society’s failure does not have to define us. He defines us. Not a culture that says we’ll be egotistical, selfish, flesh driven nuisances to society; a Father who says that we can be selfless, humble, loving servants who live with integrity, honour and respect for the people around us.

God’s plans for us are better than the world’s – let’s choose His.

He can rescue us (and has me) from every trial and struggle – it’s not luck that protects us – it’s an ever watching, jealous, loving Daddy.

We are not called to live in failure, or to surrender to it. But instead, when we see it banging on the door, use it to help us run into the Fathers arms: our only place of safety and refuge.

The only One we can depend on.

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Behold what manner of love the Father has bestowed on us, that we should be called children of God! Therefore the world does not know us, because it did not know Him.
I John 3:1 NKJV

“I will be a Father to you, And you shall be My sons and daughters, Says the Lord Almighty.”
II Corinthians 6:18 NKJV

Let no one despise your youth, but be an example to the believers in word, in conduct, in love, in spirit, in faith, in purity.
I Timothy 4:12 NKJV

For you are a holy people to the Lord your God, and the Lord has chosen you to be a people for Himself, a special treasure above all the peoples who are on the face of the earth.
Deuteronomy 14:2 NKJV

There is a difference between a wife and a virgin. The unmarried woman cares about the things of the Lord, that she may be holy both in body and in spirit. But she who is married cares about the things of the world—how she may please her husband.
I Corinthians 7:34 NKJV

But I want you to be without care. He who is unmarried cares for the things of the Lord—how he may please the Lord.
I Corinthians 7:32 NKJV

“I will betroth you to Me forever; Yes, I will betroth you to Me In righteousness and justice, In lovingkindness and mercy; I will betroth you to Me in faithfulness, And you shall know the Lord .
Hosea 2:19‭-‬20 NKJV

But seek first the kingdom of God and His righteousness, and all these things shall be added to you.
Matthew 6:33 NKJV

Trust in the Lord , and do good; Dwell in the land, and feed on His faithfulness. Delight yourself also in the Lord , And He shall give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord , Trust also in Him, And He shall bring it to pass. He shall bring forth your righteousness as the light, And your justice as the noonday.
Psalms 37:3‭-‬6 NKJV

Deuteronmy 31:6 1 Corinthians 10:13

God’s been talking to me about this So much recently.

That His voice has to be the loudest.

Louder than my fears, my frustrations, my want to be in control, my perfectionism, or my insecurities.

I’m learning that I need to listen to Him even over seemingly good ‘other’ voices. If it’s not Him, it’s not the best, and it’s even sin.

Any will apart from His will is sin. (Judges 21:25, Deuteronomy 12:4-5,14) If my heart is not His heart, it’s sin. It’s missing the mark, missing the best.

I was reminded that there have been times when I’ve been troubled over something, and the advice I got around me on the issue was almost unanimous. At times this felt like confirmation. But, I’m learning that no amount of democratic unanimity outweighs His Word. If what I’m being told contradicts His word, and what I believe to be His heart for me, I have no choice but to reject it.

While the Bible says that at the mouth of two or three witnesses a thing is established, it must always line up with His Word and heart. There may, and will, be times when scores or hundreds of people advise me in a certain direction, thought pattern or path, but it is actually in opposition to God’s expressed Word.

It’s in those times (and all the time) that I have to search out His Word to discover His heart and desire for me, above my feelings, what other people may say or think about me, or what my circumstances say.

His voice is the only truth.

So, louder than my fears, louder then the circumstances, louder than any other voice, be the One who my heart and whole being turns to at all times, and in all things. I want You to help me let Your voice be the loudest. Help me to believe Your Word above all else.

All that You purpose is fulfilled. No plan of Yours is thwarted. Your Word is good.

I trust Your heart for me.

2 Corinthians 13:1 Isaiah 40:8; 45:23; 55:11 Joshua 1:8

I love reading about the promises of God. I love claiming them. I love dwelling in the beauty and glory of them.

I’ve spent countless hours rejoicing in the wonder of Jeremiah 29:11,

“For I know the thoughts that I think toward you, says the LORD, thoughts of peace and not of evil, to give you a future and a hope.”

It’s beauty and grace still wrecks me.

But, then I noticed a little word that we usually don’t give any credit to; ‘for’ otherwise translated as ‘because of’.

In the context of this verse, God is sharing His heart for all the goodness that He wants to lavish upon His people, but it comes with a lengthy command (Build houses, plant gardens, take wives, bear sons and daughters, seek the peace of the city…. it goes on!). And it hit me (hard, as an uncomfortable revelation often does) that the good and great promises that God  is declaring are reliant upon the obedience of the people.

*selah*

In Deuteronomy 30, God declares that, when His children return to Him and obey Him, He will freely lavish upon them all the good promises that He has for them.

This principle of actively receiving the promises is repeated over and over again throughout Scripture.

2 Peter 1:4 says that God has exceedingly great and precious promises that are ours by the power of the Holy Spirit and because of Jesus’ redeeming work on the cross (enabling us to partake of the divine nature). But, even once we have received Jesus as King of our hearts and lives and are surrendered to the Holy Spirit and the will of God, our lives must be characterised by relentless obedience.

While nothing we do can ever change who He is (He will always love us; He will always be victorious and relentlessly kind), in order that we might abide in Him (and He in us) we must be obedient to His commands (John 15:10).

In light of this, I want to remind us of a few of the promises of God, along with our part in receiving them and dwelling in them.

Be blessed, and live in the promises that He has for you.

*The promises of God, and how to abide in them*

– His presence
We need to seek Him with our whole heart. (Jeremiah 29:13)

– His love
We need to not fear (1 John 5:18)
We need to keep His commands. (John 15:10)

– His strength
We need to wait upon Him (Isaiah 40:31)

– His victory
We need to be still and let Him (Exodus 14:14)

– His healing
We need to humble ourselves, seek Him and pray (2 Chronicles 7:14)

– His joy
We need to choose to be joyful (James 1:2)

– His peace
We must cast our cares upon Him and pursue peace (1 Peter 5:7; 3:11)

➡️”Jesus is the same yesterday, today, and forever.” Hebrews 13:8 ⬅️

We were created for God.

We weren’t accidents. We’re not mistakes. There’s no higher purpose in creation; to be made that He might lavish His extravagant love on us.

I remember talking with my youth pastors about my desperate need to know God’s will for me. I was aching. I had to know that I was in His will; that I wouldn’t stray from His plans. They simply responded that, as I longed after God’s heart, and kept my eyes on Him, I wouldn’t miss out on Anything that He had for me. It sounds overly simplistic, but this revelation broke so much in me. It broke the lie that I had to be enough; the fear that I would let Him down; it broke me. In this simple declaration, His heart for me was being uncovered.

His will, His heart and plan for us, is that we know Him.

That’s it. That’s the goal. The finish line; that our lives would endlessly, relentlessly pursue Him.

In the Bible, God’s will is broken down into two steps; that we know Him, and that, in the knowing Him, we live like Him.

God’s plan from the beginning of time was that we be with Him forever. He created us to choose Him. His heart longs for us to long for Him. Evidence of His wild love is that we were created to NEED to come to Him moment-by-moment, all the time. His delight in us is so fierce that He gave it all (His life) so that He could spend eternity (every moment) with us. 

In fact, His love is so ridiculously reckless that He doesn’t just want fellowship with us in Heaven, He wants fellowship with us now. There’s not a moment that goes by that our Father isn’t desperately yearning to spend with us. Our sin breaks His heart because it tears us from our purpose; from Him. God requiring us to live holy, pure and Christlike lives is Him telling us, “I want to be with you!”

That’s the reason. That’s the purpose of the Cross. The reason for our very existence.

It’s not about us being good enough. It’s not about our needing to complete a goal. It’s not about us needing to tread on ice that we may stay within His heart.

God, through Jesus, has already made us good enough. We are the goal. His heart is, and always will be, for us.

That is our hope.

Feel Him scream it in the wind. Hear Him shout it in the thunder. Feel Him whisper it in the sun on your face:

“You were made for Me”

1 Col 1:16 Mark 12:30 Is 41:10 John 6:29 1 Tim 2:4 John 6:40 Gen 3:8 John 10:27 Psalms 37:4-5 2 Peter 3:9 1 John 1:9 John 15:5 James 4:8 Rom 6:23 John 14:23 Matt 22:37 1 John 4:8 Jer 31:3 1 John 3:1 Matt 28:20 Zeph 3:17 1 John 4:16 Hosea 6:6 John 14:6-9 1 Chron 16:11 Heb 4:3