1 Cor 10:13 declares essentially that everything that we go through in life is common to the human experience in one way or another. So, what I learn in and through each situation is something that someone (somewhere) can relate to and needs to hear. I hope that this in some way encourages you!
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Time management has never been one of my strongest traits, and I’ve often struggled to balance everything that I’ve been given to do well. But, one area that I’ve had to be increasingly intentional in addressing is beauty. Simply: mirror time. From about 12-17 I guess, I spent at least 2 hours on average in front of the mirror a day. That was on a normal day. On quiet days or special days, I gave myself much more time. As well as my mirror addiction (both vanity and deep insecurity) causing me to be very often frustratingly late, it generally zapped a lot of my time.
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I think I was about 18 or 19 (when SO much changed) that I started to realise how much time I was completely wasting. I started to

self evaluate and ask myself why I was so obsessed with looking and being perfect. Up until that point in time, I set a lot of my worth in what people thought and said of me. Whether that was my parent, best friend, boyfriend, or a complete stranger, what other people said (even passingly) dictated my every move. I can’t count the hours I spent crying in the mirror over how ugly I was. Again, I know that I’m totally not alone in this! It’s so easy for us to slip into self obsession and start to hate who we were made to be. But, it wasn’t until I faced this, and let only the One who made me tell me what He thought of me, that I actually started to thrive being me.
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That’s about when I started to set practical strategies for overcoming my obsession. From ditching make up to reduce mirror time (and face my insecurities) to straight-out banning myself from looking in a mirror (or car window) during the day, I slowly began to realise that it actually didn’t matter what I looked like!

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I remember one incredibly eye opening occasion after I had lost sleep over thinking I had a moustache. I had insisted on waxing my upper lip, and, as a result, ended up with a rash that made me look like I had a bright pink moustache. #FAIL When I went out the next day, I expected everyone to think of me what I thought of me. But, to my complete surprise, everyone treated me like a normal human being! That night at dinner I shared my new experience with my sister-in-law, Jo, (keep in mind that I was the girl who from 11 years of age would sob my eyes out if anyone saw me without makeup). Somehow, Jo knew exactly what I was feeling and put into words what I didn’t realise I felt: “No one’s treating me like the monster I feel I am!”

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That day marked me. I realised that I didn’t have to look a certain way to be accepted or appreciated. Sure, if I wanted constant flirtation and affirmation (which I craved as a teen), a little make up would go a long way. But, I slowly learned the shallowness and emptiness that that left me with. I think it’s true with most things in life that quick solutions generally carry no substance. The compliments I received from outfits and photos may have felt good at the time; but they did nothing to quell the aching and emptiness I was feeling. More than quick affirmation, what I really needed was security in my own identity.

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Quite honestly, a lot of this was dealt with when an open and honest relationship was re-established with my parents (which was anything but quick and easy) which gave me the support that I needed to face all that was weighing on me. But even more than that, I had to learn to value my identity in my Father first. I had to learn not to search for it in friends, guys, or celebs, but to simply be who I was made to be because of the One who made me to be it.

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I think I’ve mentioned it before in this blog, but this is part of what inspired my mantra:

“I love, not to be loved, but because I am loved.”

When I realised that I could be content in who I was, I was free to love the people around me well, without any need to try to earn their attention or affection.

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Going back to time management: the effect that this revelation has had on my time really has been dramatic. I’m still not the most time conscious person on the planet, but the freedom I’ve found in knowing my identity is really incredible.

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So, I want to encourage you love who God made you to be. Only then will you ever be free. You truly are fearfully and wonderfully made. Know what God says about you first and loudest so that no other voice (even your own) can drown out His. Be aggressive and practical in re-aligning your personal time. Replace unnecessary and unhealthy mirror time with Bible readings and prayer. Make it your priority to look at other people instead of yourself. Somehow, when we take or eyes off ourselves, we see so much more clearly.
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And one more thing that I feel is important to add: A lot of my attention seeking and affirmation craving as a teen stemmed from a strained relationship with my dad as a young teen. It’s SUCH a common thing, especially for us girls, when we don’t have a dad around or a close, healthy relationship with him, to search for attention elsewhere: specifically in guys. I’ve been there. It sucks. But know that you have a heavenly Father who is So present, So good and So kind, and who is so ready to hear all that you have to say and take all your hurt. Make it your priority to know Him. No one else can love you like He can. No one else can ever know you like He does. When we let His love define us, and begin to rest in His love, we start to love better than we ever thought we could. With no striving.

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This is the gameplan: Love God (first and best), love others (more than yourself), and love yourself (honour the you God’s given you: you really are rather wonderful).

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(I’m aware that this post is probably mostly aimed at me. I’m convicted.)

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“Beloved, let us love one another, for love is of God; and everyone who loves is born of God and knows God.”
I John 4:7 NKJV

“Oh, that we might know the Lord ! Let us press on to know him. He will respond to us as surely as the arrival of dawn or the coming of rains in early spring.”
Hosea 6:3 NLT

“Or do you not know that your body is the temple of the Holy Spirit who is in you, whom you have from God, and you are not your own? For you were bought at a price; therefore glorify God in your body and in your spirit, which are God’s.”
I Corinthians 6:19‭-‬20 NKJV

“Since you have been raised to new life with Christ, set your sights on the realities of heaven, where Christ sits in the place of honor at God’s right hand. Think about the things of heaven, not the things of earth. For you died to this life, and your real life is hidden with Christ in God. And when Christ, who is your life, is revealed to the whole world, you will share in all his glory.”
Colossians 3:1‭-‬4 NLT